The Red Blog

Most of the humorous emails that get passed around places of work are about as funny as a kick in the nadgers, but a recent one was actually quite amusing. It claims to be from the Washington Post’s ‘Mensa Invitational’ (although I have my doubts as this doesn’t seem to exist) and involves changing, adding or taking away one letter of a word to create a new word and definition. (Some don’t strictly follow this rule either, but who cares – funny is funny).

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. (I don’t get this one, must be an American joke)

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, that renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic Fit ( n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole

Ha, this is quality.

Dave Web of Lies has been around for a while, but it is well worth a visit every now and then for a chuckle.

DWOL celebrates the freedom the internet gives us to say what we want (whether untrue or worse half true). It provides a database of lies relating to every subject imaginable, a daily dose of lies and the opportunity to submit your own lies.

Particular favourites of mine are those from celebrity liar Stephen Fry, such as ‘Belgian males remove their trousers while driving’. and ‘Journalism is an honourable profession, attracting some of the most talented and thoughtful minds in the world. Its aim is to inform, elucidate and uplift the human spirit.’